Simple, Low-Energy Ways to Set Boundaries and Protect Your Mental Health

Feb 23

We’ve all heard of boundaries at this point - there are endless references to them in articles, podcasts, blog posts, YouTube videos, and books. And yet I find that when I talk to clients about boundaries, there’s a lot of confusion about what boundaries actually are and what they look like in practice.

Boundaries are tools that are designed to protect your mental, emotional, and physical health. They in turn also protect your relationships by preventing frustration and resentment from building. When used in a healthy way, they come from a place of groundedness in your feelings and needs, not from a place of punishing others.

They can also look a lot of different ways. Some boundaries can feel big and require more energy and effort, whereas others can actually be fairly small, requiring little of you but coming with a large reward.

Low Energy Ways to Set Boundaries

Here are some of my favorite, low energy ways to set boundaries and protect your mental health.

Turn Off Phone and Computer Notifications to Reduce Mental Overload.
Our brains aren’t meant to be interrupted and pulled in different directions thousands of times a day. It actually takes a lot of mental energy to shift our attention back and forth every time we get pinged or dinged by a text, email, or Teams message, which is a lot of energy that could be going to things that are more important to us.
Instead, turn off the notifications and intentionally check your messages when you have space and time to solely focus on responding to others.
Use “Do Not Disturb” to Create Focused, Protected Time.
Put your phone on “Do Not Disturb”, even for as little as 30 minutes. The same reasoning applies as before - it gives you a simple, easy way to minimize distractions and create a break for yourself.
You can also set it up on your phone for starred contacts to be able to reach you if they call twice in a row, so that you don’t have to worry about missing an emergency call.
Close Your Door to Set Boundaries at Work.
Close your door more regularly if you work in-person in an office. Even if your workplace has an open door policy, ask your boss if it would be okay to keep your door closed from time to time so that you can have uninterrupted time. You can also leave a sign on your door, indicating that you’re doing more focused work and should only be interrupted if it’s an emergency.
Doing this forces others to be more intentional and thoughtful as well - if they really need to talk to you, it requires them to knock on the door, versus just walking into your office.
Set Clear Expectations Around Text and Email Response Times.
Decide how much time you want to give yourself to respond to texts and emails, and then communicate that expectation to others. Even if someone else responds to messages within 30 minutes, that doesn’t mean that you have to hold the same expectation for yourself.
Think about what amount of time reduces urgency and pressure for you, and allows you to respond in a way that doesn’t feel rushed. If it’s 24 hours, let friends and family know that you’re trying to stay away from your phone more often, and that if you don’t hear from them immediately, that’s why. You can also put a message in your email signature informing others of when they can typically expect to hear back from you.
Say No Without Damaging Your Relationships.
Say no more often, but still tend to your relationships in a way that fits your capacity levels. Let’s say that a friend asks you to go grab dinner one night, and you immediately get a pit in your stomach, not because you don’t want to see this person, but because you know that you have way too much on your plate to add one more thing. A lot of folks in this situation will say yes anyway. They’ll experience dread, resentment, and exhaustion, and will barely be able to enjoy the time out because of how they’re feeling. Others will say no, but it will come from an irritated place of even having to set a boundary, which can also create problems in the relationship.
Instead, tell your friend that you would love to but just don’t have the space or capacity right now. And then offer up an alternative. Would you feel up for going for a short walk instead at a time that works better for you? Or would it work better for you to go in a few weeks, when you can intentionally carve out space for your friend? Give yourself permission to tend to yourself while also tending to your relationships.
Align With Your Partner on Communication Timing.
If you have a partner, have a conversation with them about when the best times are to talk and check in with each other. Every person is different. Some people are morning people, whereas others are evening people. Some folks like to chat as soon as they get home from work, whereas others need quiet time first.
However, it can easily lead to conflict when you and your partner are trying to connect at times that don’t work for each other. So know each other’s boundaries and find times to connect that work for both of you.
Identify Your Non-Negotiables to Protect Your Mental Health.
Decide on your non-negotiables. Do you need a full 8-9 hours of sleep a night to feel good? Or do you start feeling cranky or irritable if you skip your workouts? How much white space do you need in your schedule to feel like you’re doing okay?
Figure out what you need to maintain your mental health, and then make sure not to compromise these things. If someone asks you to do something or you want to take something new on, and there’s no room in your schedule, then it will have to wait until you do have space and time. The time and energy can’t be taken from your non-negotiables.

Yes, there will be times when more energy intensive boundaries are necessary, like having a difficult conversation with a friend or co-worker. But more times than not, the simpler boundaries can be tried first, and if they work, you just saved yourself a whole lot of time and energy.

If you’re having trouble figuring out what boundaries to set for yourself and would like the help of a therapist, please feel free to reach out. I’m happy to help.