Are You Overstimulated? What a Day in Your Life Might Be Telling You
When clients tell me how they’re feeling, one of my jobs is to help them better understand the nuances of their feelings. If they say that they’ve been feeling tired, we explore whether it’s mental / emotional fatigue, physical fatigue, overwhelm, weariness, exhaustion, depletion, or something else entirely.
It may seem like a pointless exercise on the surface - does it really matter what kind of tiredness you’re experiencing? Yet the answer is yes, because our feelings are intimately tied to our needs.
Let’s say you feel tired, but you don’t realize that what you’re experiencing is mental / emotional fatigue, so you treat it as physical fatigue instead, specifically by spending a couple hours on the couch watching a drama that puts you into tears. You now feel even more tired, but on top of that, you’re confused as to why. You took the time to rest, right? Shouldn’t you feel better? Now you’re in a self-critical spiral on top of the fatigue, creating a vicious loop that only makes you feel worse.
The reason you didn’t feel better after watching TV was because you were mentally / emotionally tired, and yet you chose an activity that required even more mental and emotional resources. If you could have identified that you were mentally and emotionally tired, then you might have chosen to go for a walk out in nature instead, an activity that would have allowed you to disconnect from your experiences, and given you something pleasant to focus on.
Identifying our feelings at a nuanced level provides us with more empowerment and control for addressing our needs.
Why Overstimulation Is So Common Right Now
One of the most common nuanced feelings I see arise for people these days is overstimulation.
We live in a time where stimulation is at an all-time high. Our phones and devices in particular allow other people to have access to us 24/7, and it also allows us to have access to everyone and everything at the click of a button.
If you’re a similar age to me, you remember a time where if you wanted to speak with someone, your only option was to pick up the phone and dial their number. There was no email, text, slack, or teams - instance communication wasn’t an option.
If you wanted to watch a TV show, you actually had to wait until the time the episode aired. (Who else remembers TV guides?) And if you wanted to check the news, you had to wait until the news actually came on.
Social media and scrolling was non-existent. If you were bored, the only device that was an option was the TV.
Today, every second of our days can be filled with stimulation if we don’t intentionally set boundaries and limits around our time and energy.
What an Overstimulated Day Looks Like
For example, here’s a common scenario that I hear frequently both personally and professionally. As you read it, identify which of these applies to you.
Your alarm goes off and you immediately reach for your phone. You have notifications turned on for most apps, email, and text, so your heart rate suddenly shoots up, adrenaline and cortisol course through your body, and anxiety and stress take over, as you notice the multiple urgent emails from your supervisor, and the numerous texts from your friend who’s going through a difficult time.
You wake up your kids, who are vocal about not wanting to be woken up and then start arguing with each other before school starts. The TV is on in the background, and although you’re not actively tending to it, you can’t help but overhear the part about the recent shooting that occurred. Now you’re suddenly sad and also more anxious than you normally would be.
You try to distract yourself, so you hop on Instagram during the five minutes you have to make breakfast. Cute animal videos make everything seem better for a few seconds, until you scroll one too many times, and suddenly you’re close to tears as you hear about the tornado that ripped through a community.
You hop in the car and drive to work. It’s only 8am and yet you’ve already had to process urgency around work, troubles of a friend, the devastations of both a shooting and a tornado, and the daily stressors of being a parent.
You have a private office, but your company “strongly encourages” an open door policy, so even though you could really use some interrupted time to get work done, you can’t get more than 20 minutes into anything without someone walking in your door. Your company also requires that everyone be on Teams all day, so you can’t go more than five minutes without someone sending another message about something they need.
The lunch hour comes around, and although it’s gorgeous outside and you could go for a walk, you’re tired and that sounds like a lot of energy. So instead you stay in your office, close your door, and put on a podcast while you eat. You enjoy the podcast, but you feel even more drained, and you’re wondering how you’re going to make it through the afternoon.
The afternoon is more of the same. On the car ride home, you listen to another podcast episode.
You get home, and your kids immediately rattle off things that they need from you - a signed permission slip for a trip you didn’t know about, an upcoming back sale you need to make something for, and clothes for a soccer game that you know aren’t clean. Next it’s putting dinner on the table, followed by cleaning, because the house looks like multiple things exploded.
The kids are finally in bed, and you and your spouse finally have some quiet time together, but you’re both exhausted. You settle in on the couch, sitting next to each but both on your phones, as you check out from the day. You’re both too tired to engage in any conversation or physical intimacy.
You realize that you really should go to bed, but you’re mad and don’t want to. You didn’t feel like you got any time for yourself during the day, so you stay on your phone an hour later than you had planned. When you finally do go to bed, your mind is racing, so it takes you over an hour to fall asleep.
You wake up the next morning, and the whole cycle repeats.
When this is how the day plays out, there’s a good chance that when you say that you’re tired, you’re also overstimulated. And coping with overstimulation requires very different strategies than something like physical fatigue. Specifically, it requires intentionality, boundaries, and decreased input where possible.
What a Less Overstimulated Day Can Look Like
Here’s what that looks like in practice, using the same scenario:
Your alarm goes off on your phone in the morning. You turn it off, but you’re not exposed to any notifications or messages, because you set your phone to “do not disturb” until 8am. You take the time to allow your body to gradually wake up, taking a shower first, grabbing some breakfast and coffee, and reading your book that you’ve been enjoying.
You wake up your kids, who are vocal about not wanting to be woken up and then start arguing with each other before school starts. You feel more equipped to handle it though, having given yourself some quiet time before they woke up. The TV is off, so you don’t hear about the news for now.
You hop in the car and drive to work. This is the time where you intentionally listen to the news. There’s a radio station that provides a succinct version of what’s happening locally and globally in a way that’s easier for you to process and take in. The news is still painful to hear, but the radio removes pictures and videos entirely, which are usually what feel most triggering for you. The 15 minute drive also ensures that the news stays contained to 15 minutes. When you get to work, you take a couple deep breaths before getting out of your car and heading into the office.
When you get into your office, your phone comes off of “do not disturb”. You turned off all email and app notifications on your phone, so the only messages that you do receive are texts. The texts from your friend come through, so you take a couple minutes to read them and respond to her before diving into work for the day. You let her know that your phone will be on silent the rest of the day, but that you would be happy to grab coffee sometime with her to chat further.
Your company strongly encourages an office door policy, but you talked to your boss about how this makes it more difficult to get your work done. You asked if you can close your door but hang up a sign letting people know when they’re welcome to knock, which your boss agreed to. Just this alone has led to people being much more intentional about when they knock versus just walking in the door. You also expressed to your boss how distracting Teams and email notifications are. They therefore gave you permission to turn these off, as long as you check them once an hour. By doing this, you have an hour of uninterrupted work at a time, before having to tend to others.
The lunch hour comes around, and you check in with how you’re feeling. On days that you’re physically tired, you head outside to a park bench and eat lunch while you people watch, or if the weather is bad, you sometimes take a short nap on the couch in your office. On days when you’re mentally and emotionally tired, you go for a short walk in a quiet, tree-filled area. You start the afternoon feeling as if you put a little bit of gas back in your gas tank.
The afternoon is more of the same. On your car ride home, you either listen to some music that you really like, or enjoy the car ride in silence.
You get home, and your kids immediately rattle off things that they need from you - a signed permission slip for a trip, an upcoming back sale you need to make something for, and clothes for a soccer game that you know aren’t clean. You’ve felt more on top of things lately though, so none of these are a surprise.
Next it’s putting dinner on the table, followed by cleaning, because the house looks like multiple things exploded. Before doing either, you check in with yourself on how you’re feeling. You’re actually a bit bored, so you put on a podcast that you’ve been looking forward to while making dinner.
The kids are finally in bed, and you and your spouse finally have some quiet time together. You’re tired, but you still have enough left in the tank to talk to each other about how your days went. You want to spend some time on social media, so you set a timer for 20 minutes, primarily looking at posts from friends and accounts that you really like. You and your partner then settle in to watch a sit-com together.
You go to bed at your normal time, and you fall asleep within 20 minutes. You wake up the next morning, and the cycle repeats.
How to Manage Overstimulation: Key Shifts That Make a Difference
There are clear similarities between the two scenarios, yet also significant differences. And if you read them back to back, you probably felt those differences before you could name them, which is exactly the point.
What made the second scenario work wasn't a dramatic overhaul. It came down to a handful of shifts:
Increased Boundaries. In the second scenario, the person established multiple boundaries in order to protect their time and energy. These included putting their phone on “do not disturb” during the evening and into the early morning, turning off all email and app notifications on their phone, closing their door at work, and keeping the TV off during the morning hours. These all substantially reduce sensory input, hence reducing the chances for becoming overstimulated.
Assertiveness. The person still responded to their friend in the second situation, but they did so on their own time. They also made it clear to the person when they wouldn’t be able to communicate, and still offered a time and method that would work best for them. They also were assertive with their boss about the needs and made their asks in a way that communicated how this would not only help them, but their productivity and the company as well.
Awareness. The person in the second scenario regularly checked in with themselves and adjusted their behaviors accordingly. When they noticed that they were physically tired, they gave themselves permission to sit or sleep, and when they were mentally and emotionally tired, they took the time to disconnect. They also noted when they were bored and when added input was actually appropriate. It’s not that all stimulation is bad - it’s whether it’s meeting or contradicting what you’re feeling and needing at any given time.
Intentionality. In the second scenario, the person was very intentional about how they spent their time, particularly around news and social media. By listening to the news over the radio during a contained time frame, they found a way to engage with the news that didn’t do as much harm. They also did the same with social media by setting a timer and containing what they looked at to posts by friends or accounts that they enjoy.
Taken together, those shifts meant that this person had something left over at the end of the day for one of the most important things for all of us - connection. Connection with their kids, their spouse, and themselves.
That's what identifying your feelings at a nuanced level makes possible. When you know what you're actually experiencing, you can respond to what you actually need. Overstimulation calls for something different than physical fatigue, which calls for something different than loneliness or grief or boredom. The more precisely you can locate what's happening, the more agency you have in addressing it.
When you use these strategies, you can better manage your sensory input, and therefore how overstimulated you become. It’s not a perfect process by any means, but the more you can catch yourself when you fall into bad habits, the easier it is to course correct and move back to a way of being that is more protective of your time, energy, and mental health. And if you need the help of a therapist with managing overstimulation, feel free to reach out - I’m happy to help.
Hi, I’m Amanda. I’m a psychologist in Bloomington, Indiana providing online counseling and therapy services to professionals navigating life transitions. Please reach out if you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment.
