Feel Like There's Never Enough Time? The Surprising Truth About Time Management
I grew up in the 90s, so I still remember the iconic Saved by the Bell episode where Jessie Spano had her classic lines of “There’s no time! There’s never any time!”
At that point in my life, I in no way appreciated how much that sentiment would resonate as an adult. Between going to work, completing household tasks, taking care of kids or pets, tending to relationships, and having hobbies, it can truly feel like there’s never enough time.
And yet, is the problem actually a lack of time? Or is it our approach to time that’s problematic?
The Real Problem Isn’t Time - It’s How We Manage It
The answer: It’s a little bit of the first, and a LOT of the second.
The reality is that we can’t create more time - it’s one of the few non-renewable resources that exist. We can make more money (although not necessarily easily), and we can gain more energy by sleeping or resting, but we can’t create more time.
And focusing on the absence of something we can’t control only increases stress, overwhelm, and burnout.
The second reality is that we typically feel stressed about time when we’re not making intentional, mindful, and boundaried choices about how we’re spending our time.
Even when we feel like we’re making intentional choices, we’re often not. Instead, we’re caught up in autopilot, routine, or the rigidness of our to-do lists, rather than making thoughtful and deliberate choices about where our time is going.
Separating Non-Negotiables from Negotiables
Now I’m not going to pretend like there aren’t things that we HAVE to spend our time on. These are the non-negotiables, like picking up your kids from school, feeding your pets, paying your bills, and showing up for work. For some people, those responsibilities take up a larger portion of their time than for others - we’re all different in regards to the numerous aspects of our lives that we have to juggle.
Yet even for those with the fullest schedules, there’s still room to reclaim time and create better work-life balance.
If you take a microscope to how you’re currently spending your time, there are likely numerous tasks and activities that you’re doing on a regular basis that feel like “shoulds”, when they’re actually unnecessary and unfulfilling uses of your time.
For example, how often have you found yourself giving your time to these types of activities?
And how often have you stopped to think about what the best / worst case scenario would be if you DIDN’T do them?
Cleaning your windows / floors / countertops / carpets / etc., even though they probably weren’t THAT bad to begin with.
Attending a class that you signed up for but no longer enjoy going to.
Spending time with people you feel “meh” about but feel obligated to spend time with.
Cooking dinner every night of the week, even though you hate cooking.
Spending more time than you intended drafting emails.
Baking something for your kid’s bake sale, even though you don’t like to bake, rather than bringing something store bought.
Working towards a personal goal only for the high of achieving the outcome, not because you actually enjoy the process (e.g., you train for a marathon for the sake of being able to say that you ran a marathon, even though you don’t actually like running).
Perfectionism and Fear: The Hidden Drivers
None of these are actually necessary uses of your time or energy. Your house won’t burn down if you don’t clean it for another hour. The world won’t end if you stop attending a class, or choose to end a relationship. The email police won’t come after you if you happen to make a typo.
And yet in making this list, I can already hear the rebuttals:
“But my house really IS that dirty!”
“But I made a commitment to taking the class, it would be rude to stop going.”
“But I don’t think I’ve given this person enough chances yet.”
“But how am I supposed to eat healthy if I don’t cook every night?”
“But I want to make sure that my emails sound professional.”
“But people will think I’m a horrible mom if I bring store bought cookies.”
“But sometimes you have to push through things to achieve a goal.”
“But things could really go wrong if I don’t do these things!”
Take a second to notice the themes of those rebuttals: Implicit in all of those is perfectionism and fear.
Those statements are wrapped up in responsibility and obligation, with the sense that if we don’t do them, then we’re failing at life, which is terrifying for most of us. The fear of failure can keep us engaged in the same habits and patterns, solely to try to prevent us from experiencing shame.
But the ironic part is that we’re typically already feeling bad - we feel tired, burned out, lifeless, and “blah”. The fear of failure tells us that we can feel even worse, and it leaves out the fact that we can actually feel better.
How Perfectionism Backfires
Engaging in perfectionistic behaviors can also counterintuitively lead to the outcomes that we’re trying to prevent:
When we spend time with the person who drains us, we then have less energy and patience for the people we truly love and care for, causing our relationships to suffer.
If we give the extra time to cleaning, we have less time and energy for our actual jobs, where performance might start to dip.
When we spend hours trying to cook healthy meals, we start skipping out on exercise, leading to less balanced health overall.
And when we’re on autopilot, we can miss things that are right in front of us that might bring us more joy and pleasure.
But when we ditch the arbitrary standards and let go of the fear of shame and failure, it frees us up to give more time and energy to the things that will truly fulfill us.
Practical Ways to Reclaim Time and Energy
Here’s what this can look like:
Instead of making an endless cleaning list, set a timer for 30 minutes and clean the things that are the highest priority, such as clean clothes or dirty dishes.
Drop the class that you no longer enjoy and put that time towards something else that you think you might enjoy.
Go a longer period of time before seeing the person who drains you again - this will also give you more information as to whether you miss them or not during that time.
Cook once or twice during the week and make enough for leftovers. And pick easy meals, like sandwiches, not elaborate recipes that take hours to make (unless you truly enjoy cooking, which in that case, knock yourself out).
Set a timer for working on emails. If you’re still not satisfied with it when the timer goes off, come back to it at a later point in time once you’ve had a chance to clear your head.
Outcome goals create dopamine hits - they feel great in the moment, but they’re short-lived. Instead, focusing on activities where you truly enjoy the process of what you’re doing, independent of the outcome. This is where meaning and fulfillment comes from.
Truly ask yourself what the worst thing is that can happen if you don’t do the thing. Is something catastrophic actually likely to happen, or is doing the thing a way to avoid feeling negative emotions like shame?
Once you’ve carved out a bit more time for yourself, you might feel unsure about how to spend that time or what will make you happy. When you’ve been operating on default for awhile, it can feel strange to make active choices about your time. So if you’re stumped, then take that time you carved out to try something new. If you hate it, you never have to do it again, but at least you gave yourself the opportunity to explore, be intentional, and choose something different.
When You Love Everything, But Still Feel Overwhelmed
Now every now and then I run into someone who insists that they genuinely enjoy everything that they’re giving their time to, and there’s just not enough time for all of the things that they want to do.
This is hard in its own way - although it can be difficult to say no to something due to fears of guilt and failure, it can also be difficult to turn something down that you would definitely enjoy and face the sadness of not being able to do it, purely for lack of time.
Yet I might also argue that if you’re feeling stressed, tired, and burned out because you’re taking on so many things that you enjoy, you’re probably not enjoying each activity as much as you would if you were more selective, and in turn felt less overwhelmed and exhausted.
So if you’re in that category, be even more intentional. As Greg McKeown states in his book “Essentialism”, ask yourself what decisions fall into the 100% “hell yes” category. And if it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a no.
If you need help being more intentional with time management, I’m happy to help. Please feel free to reach out to schedule an appointment when you’re ready.
Hi, I’m Amanda. I’m a psychologist in Bloomington, Indiana providing online counseling and therapy services to professionals navigating life transitions. Please reach out if you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment.
