Decision Fatigue: Why Even Small Choices Like Dinner Feel Overwhelming

Sep 15

We’ve all been there. It’s happened to me more times than I can count.

It’s a Saturday night, my partner and I decide to go out to eat, and he asks me where I’d like to go. Instead of it feeling like the quick, low-stakes choice it should be, it feels like he just asked me to work through a complex calculus problem.

Yet when he throws out a potential solution, and says something like “How about pizza?”, suddenly I decide that I really don’t want pizza, leaving both of us confused as to why I suddenly feel so strongly about NOT having pizza, when two seconds ago, I couldn’t make a decision for the life of me.

And in those moments, I can feel myself getting irritated, not just at the situation, but at myself. How can I not make such a tiny decision? That frustration can add another layer of pressure, which ironically makes it even harder to think clearly.

Why Small Decisions Feel So Hard to Make

So why does this happen? Why can something so small feel surprisingly difficult to choose?

And why do we suddenly become much more aware of our preferences when someone else throws out a suggestion?

Decision Fatigue: The Accumulation of Too Many Choices

As to the first question, difficulty making small decisions often stems from decision fatigue. We make a gazillion decisions each day without even realizing it. From what to wear, to what to eat for each meal, to how to respond to email, to whether to accept a job offer, every day is chock full of decisions ranging from small and insignificant to large and important.

We’re typically unaware of how many decisions we’re actually making on a regular basis, which means that decision fatigue can feel like it’s coming out of the blue, when actually it’s been gradually sneaking up on us over time. Sometimes it’s as small as deciding whether to have toast or oatmeal, or which of the 47 unread emails to reply to first. It’s not that these are monumental choices - it’s that they pile up until your brain waves a little white flag.

Anxiety Paralysis

If you’re also someone who struggles with anxiety, these decisions can be multiplied a thousand fold. Instead of just contemplating what type of food sounds good on a Saturday night, you might also be thinking about where the restaurant is located, how bad / difficult traffic and parking will be, whether you’ll be back in time to walk the dog before it gets dark out, and whether you’re likely to run into co-workers. In these moments, a small choice can instantly become a multi-layered puzzle.

Our brains ultimately have a cap on how many decisions they can make per day, at which point they start shutting down, making it feel impossible to make even the smallest decisions. So if we’ve overloaded ourselves with choices throughout the day, by nighttime, decisions become much more difficult.

Perfectionism and The Pitfills of Trying to Make the “Best” Choice

Perfectionism can also contribute to difficulty making small decisions. Let’s say you're trying to make a decision about where to go for dinner, but you want to make sure that you absolutely love the meal that you’re going to have. Or you want to find the place that’s going to be the least busy. Or the place where you’re going to get the best food for the cheapest price. A simple decision has now become a more complicated one as you factor in numerous variables to make the “best” decision possible.

And the more time we spend trying to perfect a small choice, the less energy we have for the bigger, more meaningful decisions in our lives. Suddenly, dinner is decided, but we’re too mentally drained to tackle anything else.

The Absence of Mindfulness

In addition, many of us aren’t actually great at tuning into our feelings and what we want, which is what a decision about dinner requires. If we’re on autopilot all day, going through the motions, without paying attention to whether we’re tired, hungry, bored, burned out, or just need to go to the bathroom, how do we expect ourselves to suddenly tune into what sounds good for dinner?

Paying attention to our feelings isn’t something that we can necessarily switch on and off whenever we want. If we’re not practicing it regularly, it becomes much more difficult to use when we want or need this particular skill.

More Options Isn’t Necessarily A Good Thing

Finally, the more options we have for something, the more difficult the decision becomes. Although most of us like the idea of having a lot of options to choose from, the reality is that it’s a goldilocks situation. Too few options, and we feel limited. Too many options, and we feel overwhelmed and paralyzed.

Just think of the last time you hopped online to shop at any online store and stared down 100 different options for something like a dehumidifier - did it make the decision easier or harder? Typically, we start shutting down under the weight of so many possibilities.

This is also why, when someone else suggests just one option, it suddenly feels easier. When our partner asks whether we want pizza, we can focus on solely making a decision about pizza, whereas previously, we were likely trying to weigh the 50-100 different restaurants that we saw as potential options. It’s not that we’re trying to annoy and frustrate our partners - it’s that our brains actually appreciate that our partners helped to narrow down the options for us.

5 Ways to Make Decision-Making Easier and Reduce Decision Fatigue

Thankfully, there are ways to reduce decision fatigue and streamline decision making.

Reduce your daily decisions.
There are a lot of ways to do this, such as creating a meal plan for the week, limiting the number of clothing items in your closet, setting a time limit for drafting emails, and creating routines for yourself.
While many of us default to being on autopilot too often, there are places where setting up autopilot routines and structure can save us time and energy for the decisions that carry more weight and have more importance in our lives, such as deciding whether to take a new job, adopt a new pet, or leave a relationship.
Challenge perfectionism.
Ask yourself - if I don’t make the “perfect decision” regarding whatever the thing is, what’s the worst thing that will happen? When it comes to a dinner outing, the worst case scenario is typically a mediocre meal, which in the grand scheme of things, isn’t that bad.
And if you’re trying to decide which item to complete on your to-do list, based on what would be most ideal for the time that you have, stop thinking about it and just start any task. You’re spending precious decision-making energy on deciding what to do, when you could be putting that energy towards the task itself.
Tune into your feelings.
If you’re not used to doing this, it will be difficult in the beginning. But it’s a skill like anything else, and the more you do it, the easier it gets. You can start with the basics, like noticing when you’re hungry or need to pee, and then actually eating or going to the bathroom when you notice these feelings and sensations, rather than delaying them to complete another item on the to-do list. Then move on to the more nuanced feelings and sensations. These can include things like noticing muscle tension in your body, restlessness or fidgeting, or feelings of sadness, overwhelm, burnout, exhaustion, or boredom.
Our feelings are data points, there to give us information, and the more we pay attention to them, the easier it is to make decisions. For example, if you notice by mid-afternoon that you’re already drained, you might plan for takeout instead of cooking, avoiding that last-minute spiral of indecision at 7 p.m.
Narrow your options.
If you’re trying to decide where to go to dinner, have your partner narrow it down to three options, and then pick from those three. If you’re trying to decide on which brand of TV to buy, look up an article on the top 5 brands, and pick from one of those. If you can narrow down your options to 3-5, it will be easier for your brain to make a choice.
Practice self-compassion.
Many of us, when struggling to make a decision, will resort to being critical or judgmental of ourselves for not being able to make a decision, which only creates more pressure and makes everything feel worse. So if you’re having difficulty making a decision, be kind to yourself. If you can, delay making a decision until you feel more rested and have more mental resources available to you. Or if it’s a small decision, like where to go to dinner, have someone else pick for you.
The more flexibility and leeway we can give to ourselves when we’re feeling overwhelmed, the easier it is to navigate these choices. Indecision isn’t a flaw - it’s a sign your brain has been working hard for you all day.

If decision fatigue is starting to affect more than just dinner plans, therapy can help you get to the root of what’s making choices so exhausting. Please feel free to reach out and schedule a counseling appointment - I’m happy to help.