Who I Am As A Therapist
The best way to describe me as a therapist might be “real.” I'm not the therapist who spends the entire session teaching coping strategies, and I’m also not the therapist who sits and nods.
I like therapy to be collaborative - a back and forth conversation that we both participate in. I want you to have plenty of space to talk about your concerns, and I’ll always share my thoughts, perspectives, and feedback based on what I’m hearing from you.
What Therapy Looks Like With Me
I ask all of my clients to come to each session with an idea of where they want to start - whether that be stressors you need to vent about, things that you’ve been mulling over, or feelings that have been overwhelming - because I want this to ultimately be about your goals and priorities for therapy, not mine.
In therapy, I will:
Validate your feelings and how hard life can be sometimes.
Point out patterns that I notice in your thoughts and behaviors, as well as how these might be contributing to your distress.
Bring a new perspective, so that you can begin creating a new narrative around your concerns.
Encourage you to think about how you might do some things differently and make changes that are aligned with your values and goals.
Help you to create a pathway of small steps forward.
Although counseling often involves serious topics, I like to use humor and find that it can add to the therapeutic process when we’re able to laugh and joke at times.
You also never have to worry about offending me by using expletives or curse words - sometimes they do the best job at describing just how terrible things feel.
Am I The Right Therapist For You?
I’m likely a good fit for you if…..
You’re in your 30s and 40s and struggling with life transitions, such as considering a job or career change, going through a divorce, or moving to a new area.
You're typically ambitious and driven, and yet you feel stuck in life's challenges.
Your analytical nature is making you feel stuck and paralyzed, rather than giving you momentum.
You want to thrive in life, rather than survive.
You feel ready to talk about your thoughts, feelings, and concerns, even if you’re not ready to make any changes yet.
You feel willing to take in new perspectives and ideas.
You’re willing to work towards making changes that fit with your values and goals.
How I Work: Therapy as Both Art and Science
The Science of Therapy
The science piece of therapy is grounded in the techniques, strategies, approaches, and concepts that research shows to be most effective. The ones that I use the most in the therapy process are:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - As you share your experiences with me, I’ll pay attention to patterns in your thoughts and behaviors. For example, I might point out that as you’re talking about how work is going, you’re mainly focused on your flaws rather than your strengths. We’ll then work towards identifying the beliefs that are often at the core of thoughts like those, such as “I’m a failure if I’m not perfect.” We’ll also talk about small changes that you can make to move towards feeling better.
Psychodynamic theory - No, we’re not going to talk about Freud, but I’ll likely ask you about your family and other past relationships. These early connections shape the internal instruction manuals we use to navigate life. We’ll explore what those past relationships taught you and how they may still be influencing how you see and move through the world.
Mindfulness - While the simple definition of mindfulness is “nonjudgmental awareness”, actually putting it into practice is much more nuanced. There are a lot of myths about mindfulness, so in therapy, we’ll talk about what practicing mindfulness can realistically look like for you. This might involve becoming more aware of when you’re stuck in the past or the future, and learning how to bring your attention back to the present moment.
Self-Compassion - Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, etc., you might notice that there’s some level of self-criticism lurking around. There’s a pervasive myth that self-criticism is motivating, and yet it’s actually very paralyzing and makes it much more difficult to move forward. According to Kristin Neff, the author of the book “Self-Compassion” and the leading researcher in this area, self-compassion is the process of being kinder to oneself, recognizing the common humanity in our experiences, and practicing mindfulness.
Vulnerability / Authenticity - If you’ve been introduced to Brene Brown, then you’re likely familiar with the topic of vulnerability. All of us struggle with being vulnerable and authentic to some extent - we’re social creatures by nature, and being vulnerable and authentic can feel like we’re risking our connections and relationships. But fear of vulnerability can turn us into chameleons, where we’re constantly molding ourselves to what we think other people want, which makes it more difficult to form genuine, authentic connections.
Balance / Self-Care - We live in a society that teaches us that success means working 60 hours a week, making six figures, or buying the newest car or the biggest house. There’s a lot of pressure to keep working and keep doing, even though this way of living isn’t correlated with overall well-being. However, we don’t actually have to live a life of imbalance. Even though we live in a society that often discourages self-care, we can still learn how to set boundaries, devote time to the things that are important to us, and create more balance in our lives.
The Art of Therapy
The art portion of therapy comes from the fact that no two people are the same - every person comes in with different struggles, and what works for one person might not work for another.
I look at the first step of the therapy process as getting to the core of what’s actually going on for you. If you had a leak in your house, you wouldn’t just grab any random tool in the toolbox - you would first figure out the cause of the leak so that you could determine whether you needed a wrench, screwdriver, or something else altogether. Therapy is no different - we want to diagnose the issue before throwing tools at it.
We’ll work together to sort out whether it’s the internal things that need to change - your perspective, inner monologue, comfort level with setting boundaries, or maybe how present versus absent you are in your day-to-day life.
OR, we’ll determine whether it’s external things that need to change, such as leaving a relationship or a job that’s no longer a fit for who you are right now.
Once you feel grounded in what’s going on for you, then we can look at which strategies and approaches to take.
I like to look at this process as a very informed and intentional trial and error process. We start with what seems to make the most sense based on what you’ve shared with me, and we see how it goes. If it works well, then fantastic - we’re on the right track. If it goes poorly, then we have more data in figuring out what to try next.
The time frame for this can vary a lot depending on the person, but when you do wrap up therapy, I want you to have a firm understanding of the approaches, strategies, and perspectives that are most effective for you. I also want you to feel confident in your ability to maintain these over time.
Bottom Line
Ultimately the most important part of therapy is that you feel like you have a safe and supportive space to open up and work through your concerns.
That doesn’t mean that therapy is going to always feel easy, but I want you to feel like the hard work is worth it and that it’s moving the needle closer to where you want to be.
If this sounds like a good fit for you, please don’t hesitate to reach out.