Feeling Your Age? Here's How to Work With Your Body, Not Against It

Dec 1

I turned 40 this past summer, and I’m grateful that overall, the experience of hitting that particular milestone was a positive one. The time leading up to this point has helped me to feel more grounded and confident in myself, build relationships that are rich and fulfilling, and make decisions that are aligned with my values and goals, rather than those of other people.

However, aging has also come with the downsides that it does for just about everyone. I get tired more easily. I can’t get away with pushing myself as much as I used to. My eating and exercise habits have had to shift to accommodate my body at this point in life. And aches and pains seemingly pop up out of nowhere.

Having worked with a lot of folks during these age milestones, I’m also fully aware that hitting these markers can lead to midlife crises. If there are parts of your life that you haven’t been happy with, then a birthday can feel like a slap in the face - a harsh reminder that life is short and you’re not getting any younger.

In essence, major birthdays can bring both clarity and discomfort.

And yet when we can work with our bodies and minds during these times, rather than actively fighting against them, these transitions can feel more easeful and allow us to figure out what we truly need to feel healthy and fulfilled at any given point in our lives.

Here are a few things I’ve found helpful for myself and my clients as we navigate aging:

1. Talk with your doctor.

If you’re experiencing physical symptoms, then talk with your doctor to rule out any potential medical issues. Aging means that our bodies change and have different needs, which can lead to vitamin deficiencies and other medical issues that can have similar physical symptoms to mental health issues. So I often find that it’s easiest to rule out or address medical issues first before making other changes.

2. Bring flexibility to your exercise habits.

Routine and structure are great - they put certain tasks on autopilot for us and create more bandwidth for the things that require more brain power. However, when we’re operating on autopilot, we don’t always take the time to slow down, pause, and pay attention to whether our routines are still working for us or not.

Our exercise needs can shift from day to day, week to week, month to month, and year to year. And yet we often persist with the same exact activities and routines, even when our bodies are screaming at us to change things up.

So pay attention to how you feel after your workouts. Are you energized or exhausted? Do you wake up feeling refreshed or run down? If you notice that you’re feeling beaten up and exhausted, then change things up.

If you’ve been doing HIIT workouts, then mix in some strength training, walking, or yoga. If you’ve been doing mainly strength training, then temporarily lower your weights or reduce the number of days you’re working out. It’s not only okay to adapt to your body’s needs - it’s essential for long-term, sustainable exercise habits.

3. Make slow, gradual changes to your eating habits as needed.

Our bodies typically become more sensitive as we age, and with that comes stronger reactions to food and alcohol. You might have been able to get away with eating fast food and having a few drinks on the weekend when you were younger, but with age comes less tolerance for food and drink that don’t truly nourish our bodies.

This doesn’t mean having to drastically overhaul your diet, but it does mean starting to pay attention to how you truly feel after you eat certain foods, and maybe reducing the frequency if you notice that you’re exhausted or running to the bathroom after eating particular foods.

You can also make these changes gradually and in very small steps. For example, if you fell asleep after having a large bowl of mac and cheese, then next time you have that meal, try cutting the actual pasta serving by a third and add in some protein to see if you feel any better. Small changes can go a long way.

4. Pace yourself (and acknowledge the grieving process that can come with this).

For most folks, if they overdid it in their 20s, they might have felt irritable and tired for a day and then bounced back fairly quickly after that. However, once they hit their 30s and 40s, pushing too far means greater consequences. Fatigue sticks around for a longer period of time, illness and injury occur, and depression and anxiety start creeping up.

When I talk to clients about incorporating more rest and downtime into their schedules, a reply I often get is, “But I used to be able to go at this pace!” It can be a grieving process in a way to recognize that we can’t go at the same speed that we used to. There’s often anger and sadness that our bodies won’t cooperate with us, denial that we actually have to make changes, and trying to bargain with ourselves around what we’re actually willing to give up.

But ultimately, if we pace ourselves, we can be intentional about putting the time and energy that we do have into the things that truly matter to us, rather than wasting it on things that aren’t going to bring us long-term joy and fulfillment.

5. Evaluate your life and priorities in a kind, compassionate way.

If you hit the milestone of turning 30 or 40 and your primary thought is, “Is this really my life?”, then use this as an opportunity to reflect on what you really want. Imagine waking up on your birthday and feeling truly fulfilled and happy - what would you be doing differently? And how is that different from your current circumstances?

Looking at the gap between what we want and where we’re at can feel difficult and overwhelming, but it can also provide guidance as to how to take steps forward.

For example, if you hate your job, but in your ideal life you have a job that you love, then it’s likely worth looking at applying for other jobs. And if that’s feeling overwhelming, then it might be time to explore the blocks and obstacles that are making it feel difficult to take those next steps.

Final Thoughts

Aging isn’t ever easy, but it can be more manageable when we take steps to take care of ourselves through these transitions. As I move through my 40s, I’m continuing to remind myself of these same things - that change is inevitable, but growth and meaning can deepen with age.

And if you need the help of a therapist as you’re navigating major milestones, then feel free to reach out - I’m happy to help.