Overwhelmed by Household Tasks? Here’s How to Make Them More Manageable

Nov 17

Life feels incredibly busy and full for most people. Between work, taking care of kids or pets (or both), tending to relationships, carving out time for hobbies, and making sure to eat and sleep, there aren’t many folks out there who feel like they’re swimming in an abundance of time and space.

And that’s without factoring in daily household tasks - things like dishes, laundry, cleaning, organizing, and house repairs. It’s often these tasks that are put on the back burner, understandably so, because they’re nowhere near as important as the other areas of our lives.

But here’s the challenge: when we’re falling behind on these tasks, or maybe ignoring them altogether, we beat ourselves up.

I’ve never met a single person who feels like they have the magic formula for staying on top of household chores, and yet when we’re struggling, we compare ourselves to this magical person out there who is seamlessly juggling all areas of their life, constantly has a clean house, and is doing all of it with a smile on their face.

So not only do we feel behind, but then we also feel like we’re failing in some fundamental way. That shame spiral can leave us feeling paralyzed and shut down, making every task, no matter how small, feel like climbing Mount Everest.

There’s no magic formula, but there are ways to make this easier.

Here’s how to complete household tasks in a more manageable, self-compassionate way.

1) Break Tasks Into REALLY Small Ones.

If you’re looking at a task on your to-do list and immediately feeling overwhelmed, then it’s likely too big. For example, let’s say that you have “clean the bathroom” on your to-do list, and you immediately want to go crawl under the covers. Then break this task down into a much more manageable one. Maybe it’s to wipe down the bathroom counters, or sweep the bathroom floor, or clean the toilet. Pick one, small, doable task that doesn’t immediately shut you down.

Remember: doing one small piece of a task still counts. Small progress adds up.

2) Set Time Goals Instead of Task Goals.

Sometimes even if we break tasks into really small pieces, they still feel overwhelming. This is often because our brains are NOT great at estimating how much time a task is going to take. When we dislike the task, we anticipate that it’s going to take a much longer time than it actually does - for example, if we hate doing the dishes, we assume that it’s going to take 30 minutes when maybe it only takes ten, making it feel more overwhelming.

So instead of making a traditional to-do list, set aside a certain amount of time each day or each week to complete whatever tasks feel like a priority. And choose an amount of time that feels manageable. Maybe that’s 15 minutes a day, or 1 hour a week. I’ve typically found that my clients who take this approach end up completing way more tasks than they expect during the allotted time.

3) Focus on What Actually NEEDS to Be Done.

For my type A, perfectionistic folks in particular, it can feel like every item on the to-do list is something that genuinely needs to be completed. And yet it’s often the case that nothing catastrophic is going to happen if the thing doesn’t get done - it’s more that our perfectionistic brains have decided that if it’s not done, then we’re failing in some way.

So go down your to-do list and ask yourself what the worst case scenario is if you don’t complete a certain task. Here are some examples of this:

If I don’t vacuum the dog hair off the floors, my allergy symptoms might get worse.
If I don’t clean the windows of the house, I’ll have dirty windows.
If I don’t call a plumber and fix the leak in my house, my floors could be damaged.
If I don’t clean the bathroom countertops, they’ll be dirty for a bit longer.

Notice that for a couple of those, there are legitimate things that could get worse - allergy symptoms worsening and further damage occurring in the house. And yet for others, nothing bad is really going to happen - the house isn’t going to burn down if the windows aren’t clean or the bathroom countertops are a little bit dirty.

So take a bit of time to figure out what’s actually a priority when it comes to your time and energy.

4) Make Tasks Easier, Not Harder.

I’ll often have my clients walk me through in detail not just the items on their to-do list, but HOW they’re doing these things. Because often I find that they’re making things way more complicated and time-consuming than they need to be. This again is often due to perfectionistic tendencies and feeling like anything short of an A+ is an F.

Making dinner is a great example of this. I often find that folks feel like they should be making a home-cooked meal every single night of the week. And yet if they’re juggling full-time jobs with picking up kids from school, this just isn’t realistic.

And so we often talk about how to change dinner to make it more manageable. Maybe it’s batch cooking on the weekends and putting leftovers in the freezer to pull out on busy weeknights. Maybe it’s aiming for easier meals, like sandwiches, a few nights per week, or giving yourself permission to order out. And for folks who value healthy eating, that can be incorporated into all of the above strategies.

I often challenge my clients to use the full spectrum of A+ to F when evaluating their behaviors, since often when they make changes, it feels like an F, when really it’s still a solid A- or B+.

5) Check Whether You’re Following Your Own Standards or Someone Else’s.

It’s not uncommon for me to hear someone say that they have to clean their bathroom a certain number of times per month. But when I ask them how they came up with that frequency, the answer is usually something that they saw online - an article about the “best” cleaning schedule.

But unless it’s one of these items that could ACTUALLY cause damage or health issues, there is no “right” or “best” frequency. The best frequency is whichever one feels sustainable to you and also makes sense for your specific circumstances.

So pay attention to when dirt in your home really starts to bother YOU, and then base your cleaning frequency off of that, not some article on the internet.

6) Hire Out Tasks If You Can (and Let Go of Guilt)

If you have the financial privilege of being able to hire out tasks, then absolutely take advantage of this. I often find that folks hesitate on this because they feel guilty about their privilege and the fact that others aren’t in the same position to be able to do this. And yet not hiring help doesn’t help anyone else, and it doesn’t help you - it’s a lose / lose situation.

If you hire help, it’s likely going to make a big difference for you in regards to time, energy, and stress levels. And that in turn actually DOES help other people as well - it allows you to show up more fully for the other people in your life, both at home and in other spaces. This will also probably free up resources to be able to give back to others who are less privileged. Self-care isn’t selfish - it helps others as well.

7) Accept That the To-Do List Never Ends.

Unfortunately as an adult, we don’t get to permanently cross off many items on the to-do list. We finish them just to move them to a later date when they have to be completed again. And yet many of us treat this process as a sprint rather than the marathon that it is. When we don’t create sustainable processes, it can burn us out quickly.

So rather than waiting to rest once all of the to-do list items are finished, make sure to create a system where rest is built in and tasks fit into your day-to-day life in a way that’s manageable.

8) Separate Tasks From Your Worth.

It’s hard enough to complete household tasks on a regular basis. It becomes a thousand times harder when you tie your ability to complete these tasks to your overall worth as a human being. If you’re calling yourself a failure, beating yourself up, and feeling like a subpar adult for struggling in this area, it’s going to make every single task that you try to do a thousand times harder.

So please remember that every person struggles with this. If someone seems like they’re not, they’re probably just hiding it well. We’re all doing our best to juggle the different areas of our lives, and it’s not a reflection on our self-worth if we’re having a hard time.

If you would like the help of a therapist in managing household tasks and finding more balance in your life, then please feel free to reach out - I’m happy to help.